yellow leaves: new growth

I have two jade plants. One keeps having yellow leaves that wither and fall off. Every morning, I sit near these jade plants and admire them while I drink a cup of coffee. But the yellow leaves worry me. It’s been happening for a couple of months.

Last week, a friend stopped by and complimented my jade plants. I mentioned the yellow leaves. She seemed surprised, “But look at all the new growth!” she said.

Her words vaporized my focus on the yellow leaves. Suddenly, I could see dozens of new, bright green, teardrop-shaped leaves lining the inner branches. I’d been so focused on the yellow leaves, I hadn’t noticed the new growth at all.

I think this is happening in my creative life as well. The fifteen hours a week have kept me at the desk working and doing my best with the skills and tools I have. I thought I’d finished one whole theme of the line I plan to unveil to you in the fall….

….but I looked at those designs recently, and I no longer like at least half of them. This has sat with me like a heavy rock in my stomach for days. What am I going to do about those designs? I worked so hard on them, they filled check boxes on my theme list, but…I just don’t like them anymore.

I made myself move on to the second theme of designs and tried a new tool that lets me paint digitally. At first, it was messy and hard, but I had an hour left to work, so I stayed with it, and it started to feel like real paint–layering and blending. I liked how vivid it looked.

While admiring the jade plants yesterday morning, I realized that the designs I don’t like are the yellow leaves. I’m bothered by them, I want to fix them or re-do them, and they stay on my mind nagging at me. Just like the jade plant, something needs to be done about them. However, they are not such an urgent problem that all else needs to stop until it is fixed.

Because, with each illustration, there’s new growth. I learn new skills, try new tools, and find new methods that work for me. Each design has been better organized than the last, easier to revise and improve, and more complex.

I still don’t know what I’ll do about the designs I don’t like.* I’m not letting myself delete them yet. I’ll sit with it a while longer. Maybe something I’m working on now will teach me a technique to improve those earlier illustrations.

For the jade, I think it’s root bound and could use some fresh soil. But this is obviously not keeping it from growing, so I’ll follow my plant’s lead and just keep creating until there’s enough vibrant new growth to outweigh any yellow leaves that need to go.

*Without planning on it, I started revising the designs I don’t like. I got so absorbed that two hours flew by in seconds, and when my alarm went off to remind me of my next task, I realized: my left leg was totally numb from sitting still for so long, and …. I have two designs I now like! Because I thought I would delete the entire design, I felt more free to experiment. I think they might be staying in the line, and I think you might see a test print soon!

As always, thank you for reading and for following along. Your interest means so much to me. Recently, a couple of you whom I see in person, asked me about my work. I felt like a “legit” professional answering questions about my art, writing, and coaching. While I’ve been committing time week after week, my identity as a professional creative has deepened. I feel closer to my vision of myself and Carrot Condo as a thriving creative business/ life. Thank you for being a part of this journey!

Until next month,

TRISTA